A Mind Filled With Memories Weigh Me Down

So, lately I've just been thinking about a few things in my life that have been bothering me. The main thing that I can't seem to get off my mind is how I haven't been that good of a friend. I know that some of you will say, "Don't say that, you're a good friend." or something else, but I feel that I can do so much better. I want to be able to do all that I can for my friends, whether it be to comfort them, make them feel happy, talk with them, listen to them, help them with problems, and all of that stuff. I mean, I feel that I've been able to do some of these things for my friends, but...there's one person, who I've failed at being a good friend and example to them...To this day I feel so guilty and ashamed of how I abandoned them just because I was afraid of being judged, and I can't believe I did so, because they really were one of my dearest friends. I honestly want to regain my friendship with this person, but I'm afraid...afraid that they won't forgive me for the things I've done, which I'm pretty sure they won't...If I could, I would go back in time and do anything that was possible to stop me from making one of the biggest mistakes in my life...

Anways, sorry about this rant. I've just been needing to get this out of me for a while, so yeah. Just ignore it. Just me rambling.